The
communication barrier between male and female of the human species is an age-old
dilemma. We understand that we’re wired differently, yet we’ve never quite
managed to find a common language. No one is ever going to accuse men of being
complex creatures, mind you, but still women fail to comprehend some
fundamental truths about them.
The following are ten facts about men that women
just haven’t figured out:
- One of the main
facts about men that women need to be clear on is that there isn’t nearly
as much about them to understand as they may think, or hope. Men function
at a much more primal level, so to understand them requires a simplistic
approach.
- Men aren’t
deliberately ignoring women when they talk. Millions of years of evolution
have conditioned their ears to filter out extraneous sounds to keep
attuned to audio frequencies within their intellectual spectrum, like fart
noises.
- Men’s emotional
capacity typically ranges from laughing at The Three Stooges,
to crying for Old Yeller (though they are loathe to admit
it). Anything beyond that is simply not part of their emotional makeup.
- Men don’t intend to
change after you’ve married them, nor do they expect that they need to.
Moreover, they expect you to stay the same as well. Men resist change,
right down to their underwear.
- They will express
astonishment at your idea of maturity, and point to the fact that they no
longer scratch their genitals in front of company as evidence that they’ve
grown since you first met.
- It is deeply
embedded within the genetic code of the American male to discuss sports,
weather and mechanical devices when talking among their own kind. Any
subject of a more esoteric nature is strictly forbidden. Attempts at
introducing such topics will result in a blank stare.
- Men do not shop for
pleasure, ever. They will set out to purchase something they want or need,
and will not return home without it, even if it means paying more than
it’s worth. This is especially true if it is motorized, illuminates or
explodes.
- Men for the most
part regard sexual compatibility from the standpoint of plumbing and
opportunity. There is little if any consideration given to trivial details
like intimacy, foreplay or last names, much less the morning after.
- When a woman asks a
man what’s on his mind and he replies, “Nothing”, she can safely assume
that he is telling the truth. The human male brain is capable of operating
on such a primitive level that it can be transfixed by a bug zapper, and
worship its creator.
- Women treat clothes
as collectibles, men regard them as heirlooms. A woman has day-of-the-week
panties, with the days printed on each pair. Men have underwear to
commemorate each Daytona 500, with racing stripes on each pair.
Mary Edwards
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