The communication barrier between male and female of the human species is an age-old dilemma. We understand that we’re wired differently, yet we’ve never quite managed to find a common language. No one is ever going to accuse men of being complex creatures, mind you, but still women fail to comprehend some fundamental truths about them.
The following are ten facts about men that women just haven’t figured out:
- One of the main facts about men that women need to be clear on is that there isn’t nearly as much about them to understand as they may think, or hope. Men function at a much more primal level, so to understand them requires a simplistic approach.
- Men aren’t deliberately ignoring women when they talk. Millions of years of evolution have conditioned their ears to filter out extraneous sounds to keep attuned to audio frequencies within their intellectual spectrum, like fart noises.
- Men’s emotional capacity typically ranges from laughing at The Three Stooges, to crying for Old Yeller (though they are loathe to admit it). Anything beyond that is simply not part of their emotional makeup.
- Men don’t intend to change after you’ve married them, nor do they expect that they need to. Moreover, they expect you to stay the same as well. Men resist change, right down to their underwear.
- They will express astonishment at your idea of maturity, and point to the fact that they no longer scratch their genitals in front of company as evidence that they’ve grown since you first met.
- It is deeply embedded within the genetic code of the American male to discuss sports, weather and mechanical devices when talking among their own kind. Any subject of a more esoteric nature is strictly forbidden. Attempts at introducing such topics will result in a blank stare.
- Men do not shop for pleasure, ever. They will set out to purchase something they want or need, and will not return home without it, even if it means paying more than it’s worth. This is especially true if it is motorized, illuminates or explodes.
- Men for the most part regard sexual compatibility from the standpoint of plumbing and opportunity. There is little if any consideration given to trivial details like intimacy, foreplay or last names, much less the morning after.
- When a woman asks a man what’s on his mind and he replies, “Nothing”, she can safely assume that he is telling the truth. The human male brain is capable of operating on such a primitive level that it can be transfixed by a bug zapper, and worship its creator.
- Women treat clothes as collectibles, men regard them as heirlooms. A woman has day-of-the-week panties, with the days printed on each pair. Men have underwear to commemorate each Daytona 500, with racing stripes on each pair.