Sibling
rivalry has been going on since the dawn of time; everyone knows the story of
Cain and Able. That story didn’t end well, so parents do their best to
discourage animosity among their children. Although it’s perfectly natural for
siblings to have disagreements, you want to keep them to a minimum. This is
important not only for their development, but for the parents own peace of
mind.
Here are ten ways to keep siblings hugging more and hating less.
- Start early – Sibling rivalry usually starts as
soon as a new brother or sister is born. The older sibling is no longer
the sole recipient of their parent’s affection and feels neglected. It’s
important at this crucial time to give as much time and attention to your
first born as possible and help the children establish a affectionate
relationship with each other.
- Be fair – Be careful not to play favorites.
This can be more difficult than you think, especially if one child is
usually the instigator of conflict. Problems will only escalate if the
kids don’t think you’re being fair.
- Set rules – It’s important to
establish the ground rules and communicate them to you children. They need
to know that you expect them to get along and to love each other no matter
what. Set the rules and be sure to enforce them consistently.
- Common activities – Find common
activities that both siblings can do together. By getting them to work
with each other to accomplish the same goal, you’ll encourage sibling
camaraderie instead of rivalry.
- Work it out – Sometime you need to step back
and let the kids work it out themselves. This is a good idea for minor
conflicts and gives them a chance to develop their negotiating skills.
- Discourage competition – Try to avoid
situations where siblings are competing against each other. Don’t compare
their report cards or athletic abilities to each other, but praise each of
them for their individual accomplishments. Also encourage them to root for
each other.
- Encourage affection – Lead by
example and let your children know it’s great to show each other
affection. Encourage them to give each other hugs and praise them when
they’re getting along.
- Time apart – Sometimes siblings need a little
time apart to enhance their appreciation of each other. Maybe some time
alone in separate rooms will be all it takes or perhaps going away to
separate summer camps. They might be happy enough to see each other again
that they hug spontaneously.
- Appreciate their differences – No two
children are alike; even identical twins each have their own separate
personalities. Be sure to teach your kids to appreciate each others
differences. By supporting the other’s strengths and helping to overcome
their weaknesses, siblings can learn to be a team instead of rivals.
- Patience – Sibling rivalry
tends to come and go in stages. Depending on their age difference and
other factors, kids will fight like cats and dogs for awhile and then be
best buddies as they grow older. Sometimes it just takes some patience.
No
matter what you do, some conflict is inevitable, but you don’t want it to get
out of hand. Siblings don’t really hate each other. They’re just struggling to
establish their own identity and place in the family. Hopefully your kids will
eventually learn that they can count on each other for support and friendship.
There are nothing like brothers and sisters to be in each others corner when
times are tough. With a little refereeing from their parents, siblings will
keep doing more hugging than hating as they grow to be adults.
Tina Marconi
http://www.babysitters.net/blog/10-ways-to-keep-siblings-hugging-not-hating/
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