As the saying goes, all’s fair in love and war, which is worth keeping in mind during a spat with your beau. It may not be important that you to win every time; but it pays to know in the heat of battle that you can. Allow us, young grasshopper, to train you in the art of war, lover’s quarrel style.
Read on, and discover 10 ways that you can win every fight with your boyfriend:
- Keep Good Notes – As with any good pupil, you would do well to maintain a solid record file to which you can refer when needed. There’s no substitute for the ability to recall every instance in the past 5 years when he has failed to keep a promise.
- Exhibit A: Bachelor Party Photos – Facebook is a wonderful thing, especially that photo tagging thing they do. You can also thank his newlywed buddy, for posting this handy little addition to your arsenal.
- “If you love me, you’ll …” – This one is old school manipulation all the way, but in a pinch it’s pure gold. Pick your spots wisely and be judicious in its application, however, as it has a tendency to lose its effect through overuse.
- Momma’s Girl – Winning over his mother is like gaining “god mode” in a video game. You are invincible. When you’ve got his Mom on your side, he’ll fold like a cheap suit.
- Keep Him Busy – If you have a bone to pick with your boyfriend, your best bet is to choose a time when he’s distracted with something else, like a sporting event.
- Stack the Deck – The strategic objective is simple: pick only fights that you know you can win, resulting in a formidable winning streak that will render him less willing to engage you in the future. After you’ve notched a nice winning streak for yourself, your opponent boyfriend will eventually lose his will to fight.
- The Oprah Gambit – This tactic requires some experience to pull off successfully, but it’s a highly effective strategy when properly employed. The idea is to broach the general subject of your argument, in the company of some of your girlfriends, and with him present. The key is to be conversational, not confrontational. The effect should be to illustrate a consensus that will make him less likely to challenge you later when you’re alone together.
- Coitus Interruptus – AKA the carrot-and-stick maneuver, it’s basically a question of timing and an opportunistic exploitation of conflicting priorities. Need we say more?
- Killing with Kindness – If you preface your fights with flattery and lavish attention, you will have fattened him up for the verbal slaughter that ensues, ladies.
- Cry – When all else fails, reach for the waterworks, and let those tears flow. It’s a time-honored move that will assure you victory in short order.
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